Archive for the ‘Spirituality’ Category

The choice

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Posted 12 Oct 2006 — by nick
Category Poetry, Spirituality

The soft, story-telling voice of Garrison Keillor greets me at my desk as the caffeine reaches my bloodstream. iTunes updates my podcasts, APM and NPR primarily – an important part of my day’s beginning. The writer’s almanac seeps into my brain as it spins up, thoughts converge and life resumes for another day.

Then it happens, the sound reaches my ears converted to electrical impulses that stimulate more than just sounds receptors – thinking, wondering. Is it all the same, have I done this before, will I do it again. How routine this life seems I silently shout. The poem of the day has finished, but my heart remains enwrapped in this dialogue.

Everything Happens Twice
by Eve Robillard

That bird sitting dazed on the railing
has flown into your window before.

The dead-end street you’ve turned onto—
you did that just last month. The boss

calling you into his office
has nothing new to say.

There are only so many scripts.
Everything happens twice.

The friend who borrows your raincoat
will borrow your raincoat tomorrow. The parent

who never loved you enough
is doing it from the grave. You are writing

the very same poem
over & over again they are playing

that old, old song but it’s never
the very last dance. So smile at the guy

who drinks too much-
the one with forget-me-not eyes. Sleep

with the one who calls you
by another woman’s name.

It is a new day, things are different today than the day before. There was frost this morning, I woke late and made it to work early, I sent an email to an old friend. Life is different from day to day. The routine might be the same but I’m new each day and I choose to walk in the light or in the darkness each day, each moment. I choose to believe everything is meaningless and the same and settle for life less rich, or choose to embrace all that following Jesus has to offer.

My heart and mind are in sync, ready to start the day, they’ve fought the battle of cynicism and the temptation to beleive life as a Jesus follower is mundane and predictable.

And life resumes.

Shadows

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Posted 26 Sep 2006 — by nick
Category Creation, Light, Spirituality

I love this photo, my good friend barnsey took it one afternoon when we were at LT together. We two hiked up Eagle Cliff – one of the small nearby mountains. The view is of Moraine Park and the snow peaks of the Continental Divide in the background. Simply Beautiful.

Is there any question that God is an artist?

The thing I love about this image – what draws me to it – the definition between the light and dark places, the shadows and sunlit areas. The definition is so pronounced; only I’ve been in those shadows down there and it doesn’t seem like such a sharp edge or even that dark when you’re in it.

Life is like that, isn’t it?

When we’re in the shadows they don’t seem so ugly, so dark, so bad – but when we are in the light, looking back at them, they can seem so distinct, so trying. You can almost see the line where things changed and your path returned to the warmth and comfort of the light.

Starting work has been a bit of a shadowy place for me. Instantaneously my time disappeared – the thing is, I think I am working less and have fewer stresses than I did when I was in school it’s just that I have a continued commitment of 8 hours of my daily schedule. The breaks between class, the afternoon naps, the make my own schedule-ness of school is gone. That makes all the difference – after 3 weeks I’m just starting to get the hang of this balancing act.

The time has been shadowy because I’ve found it hard to get in a routine of spending time with God each day. It was easy when I was in school, when I got in from class I’d spin a CD, spend sometime unwinding and praying and then turn to scripture for a time and enjoy the Lord. After 8 hours of work I usually want to sit in front of the TV for the evening – or worse my laptop some more.

Recent days have been better. I’ve begun reading before bed and talking with my God in the mornings on a set pattern. My soul breathing deeply of His presence. Warmed by the light, the days seem more manageable.

Unplugging

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Posted 18 Sep 2006 — by nick
Category Spirituality, Technology

Two weeks, hard to believe but that’s how long it’s been since I started my new job – assumed my new identity, a Network Designer for the University of Illinois’ IT group. I realize that might sound like Yiddish or something to a lot of the world but it’s what I do. There is something beautiful about the science of information transportation through the ages, from inking cave walls, to oral tradition, to written manuscripts, monks and the like, to postage mail, to telegrams and the telephone, and emails, the web, etc at present. The technological advances in last 20 years have made this life skill fascinating and boasted a job field that employs me.

Have you ever paused and thought for a moment how much your life depends on email, the web, a computer? It can be so hard for me to fully grasp my dependence – largely I think because of the magnitude of it. My life is saturated by this thing. Even now I have returned home from work and I am sitting in front of my laptop, something I’ve been doing all day long. Yesterday I took a Sabbath’s rest, usual for my Sunday, only this time was different. I unplugged. It wasn’t intentional though, our power had flickered while I was running in the early morning, resulting in my computer rebooting and me being logged out of gmail. I didn’t realize this until mid-afternoon and decided to keep it this way – not logged in. I continued my rest, enjoying the ending of a book I had been reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, spending sometime with a couple close friends, and watched the delightful film A Mighty Wind – a favorite of mine. As I crawled into bed my heart warmed as I spoke with my God, relaxed I sank into sleep un-plagued by the pulls of responsibilities and worries.

Opening my inbox at work this morning, offered me a handful of emails from the past day – none so urgent as to warrant guilt for neglecting them. The thing that surprised me the most about this whole experience is how much more rested I felt by simply not checking my email. I think I may embrace this practice on a more regular basis – you should try it.

I had grand thoughts of writing about my new job and how I’m doing, posting pictures and stuff, but I’ve grown tired of this keyboard under finger and I think I’ll go unplug for the evening. Or at least a little while 🙂

"Against the black they look so bright…"

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Posted 28 Aug 2006 — by nick
Category music, Spirituality

The low drown of computers hum around me as the calming, worshipful words stream from my laptop speakers as I sit in this tenebrous room.

and how could such a king
shine His light on me
and make everything beautiful
and I wanna shine
I wanna be light
I wanna tell you it’ll be alright
and I wanna shine and I wanna fly
just to tell you now
it’ll be alright, it’ll be alright
it’ll be alright.
~ David Crowder Band ‘Stars’ off of Illuminate

My soul resounds with these words, like a gong from a mallet. I wanna shine, I wanna be light mutters my heart. For a moment I sit and talk to my King – we sit, He and I, as I thank Him from walking with me through the past week, months, years. The race has begun, the warm up complete – we’ve settled into a comfortable pace. Now its time to relax and let the path rise up to my feet with each stride, focused on the goal, my King at my side.

The campus is flooded with people again, wading through the masses I’ve picked up a couple new friends. My new friends and I spent a lot of time doing the usual New Student Month things with Illini Life this weekend – the Fall Rally, our Adventure Race, SNG and Crash the Pastors.

In a few short days iTeams will start back up and I’ll be inviting my new friends to join our family.

This song my heart is tuned to – God’s song of life – there is something beautiful, pure, lovely about it. I’m reminded, His way is the best possible way to live. This is why I follow Jesus.

The calm before the storm?

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Posted 17 Aug 2006 — by nick
Category Ministry, Spirituality

I’ve taken the better part of the week off. This was out of necessity as this summer has found me in a rather stressed-out, emotionally down state indicative of a long battle with joblessness. The wearisome hunt for a full-time job has wrung my heart dry of lifeblood. Rest has been the goal of the past several days, the theme carrying on today and the next, in an effort to restore my heart. So I sit here now, some familiar tunes fill my room, me on my couch with laptop under finger, talking to my God, tuning my heart to the song He is playing, that He has been playing for all time.

It crosses my mind that some might refer to this as the calm before the storm. Students return to campus in a few short days kick-starting illini life into ‘the short fall.’ We’ve been through quite a few of these, my heart and I – this will be the sixth. Soon there will be meeting after meeting discussing the events we have planned, our vision for the coming year, our hopes, expectations and desire to be unified with our Lord as we pursue it all. Then the first week of events – Quad Day, Follow-Up, The Rally, Adventure Race, First SNG, Crash the Pastors, I-Team. Follow-Up will continue as we move to the familiar routine of I-Team and SNG each week with meetings sprinkled around. The Storm being this line up, this pace.

This Pace…

That rings more true with my heart. This week, this summer, the past years – to me they have all been the training runs, the preparation for the big race, for going the distance. The Storm – that sounds dark, scary. The Race – that sounds true. My heart stirring with excitement and adrenaline as it pumps life to my legs and body, whispering “here we go again, you’ve trained for this, He’s prepared you, your heart is reflecting His.” The pace is always a shock at first, warming up after a mile or so the legs are loose, the breathing smooth, the mind focused and the miles fly past. It’ll be December soon – the aid station for a campus ministry – snow on the ground, trees bare, mumblings of final exams and students tired from a long sleepless semester. Not long after that will be the finish line in May. We’ve done this before, my heart and I, remember.

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